In the course of writing the Stupid Ring Parody and the Burping Troll Adventures,
it seemed natural to include songs the way Tolkien did.
Ok, ok, not EXACTLY the way Tolkien did it! But you can sing along with ours!
Author Index - click on links
Treebeard's Song about the Entwives
From the Stupid Ring Parody
Where have all the Entwives gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the Entwives gone? Long time ago.
Where have all their flowers gone?
War came through, done gone and smashed 'em, ev'ry one.
When will they ever learn?
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There is a guy in Dunharrow
They call him Thengel's son
And he's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
His father was a mighty King
down in Edoras
His mother was a shieldmaiden
who kicked his sorry ass
Now the only thing Théoden needs
is his riders and, of course,
And the only time he'll be satisfied
Is when he's on a horse
There is a man in Dunharrow
They call him Thengel's son
And he's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
Oh mother tell your children
not to do what I have done
Spend you lives in sin and misery
In the house of old Thengel's son
Well he's got one foot on the stirrup
the steady hand on the reign
And he's ridin' out from Edoras
To certain death and pain
Well there is a guy in Dunharrow
They call him Thengel's son
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
Hey Mr. Théoden King
(to the tune of Bob Dylan's "Tamborine Man")
Chorus:
Hey! Mr. Théoden King, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is a place I'll go with you.
Hey! Mr. Théoden King, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though I know that evil empire has returned to the land,
Hope flees from our hand,
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
Though weariness harasses me, I'm a hobbit at your feet,
You have your oath to meet
And the ancient empty town's too dead from weeping.
Chorus
Take me on a trip upon your fancy horse's hip,
My hobbit senses tripped, my hands too small to grip,
My nose too numb to drip, wait only for my bare heels
To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to aid
On a Rohan parade, ride your dancing steed my way,
I promise to go upon it.
Chorus
Though nazgûl fly laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the moon,
I shall ride with anyone, I'm just singin' my own tune
And but for Dernhelm there are no riders facin'.
And if you think your riding without your next of kin
In your riders all in line, hiding a desp'rate maid of thine,
You shouldn't pay us any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that we're chasing.
Chorus
Then take me reappearin' through the smoky rings of doom,
By the guiding hands of Ghân, into the hidden gloom,
The haunted, frightened boom, out on Pelennor Field,
Right to the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by orc sea, circled by the evil glee,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
Chorus
A Hard Day's Night
(sincere apologies to the Beatles)
It's been a hard day's night,
and you've been looking for the warg,
It's been a hard day's night,
You should be sleeping like a log,
But when you get to the Troll
this place is ever so droll,
And makes you feel alright.
You know you looked all day
to find the wargy who ran away,
And it's worth it just to hear us say,
we really missed her yesterday,
So why on earth should we moan,
'cause when you get her back home,
You know we'll feel ok.
When she's home,
everything seems to be right,
When she's home,
getting herself in a fight, fight (Ummm).
It's been a hard day's night,
and you've been looking for the warg,
It's been a hard day's night,
You should be sleeping like a log,
But when you get to the Troll
this place is ever so droll,
And makes you feel alright.
So why on earth should we moan,
'cause when you get her back home,
You know we'll feel ok.
When she's home,
everything seems to be right,
When she's home,
getting herself in a fight, fight (Yeah).
It's been a hard day's night,
and you've been looking for the warg,
It's been a hard day's night,
You should be sleeping like a log,
But when You get to the Troll
this place is ever so droll,
And makes you feel alright,
And makes you feel alright,
And makes you feel alright.
I'll Be There
singing: I'll be the-ere. I'll be the-e-e-ere ...
She'd found her honey and she'd had her fun
Thought she'd get a drool out of everyone
Yeah. she'd hid and married her man over there
One day thought she heard a voice calling "I'll be there"
I'll be there to see you down without a friend
I'll be there to see him get his in the end
I'll be there
You might be in liquor sales and maybe sell stale beers
You might be a Balrog queen or a boudoir star
Yeah, but if he thinks he's got it good he'd better just beware
One day he's gonna hear that voice howling "I'll be there"
I'll be there when you've got nowhere left to run
I'll be there to make him pay for what he's done
I'll be there
I'll be there to see him wriggling as he burns
I'll be there to give the knife some extra turns
I'll be there
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there
Ah, don't you worry now, I'll be there
Just look over your shoulder and I'll be there
You just bet that I'll be there ...
apologies for the distortions go to Matthew Fisher
Burping Troll Bill
Hey, Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
He went out spider hunting with his elves-in-pants and gun
In case of accidents he always took his mom
He's the all American bullet-headed Saxon mother's son.
All the children sing
Hey Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
Deep in the tunnels where the mighty spider lies
Bill and his elves-in-pants were taken by surprise
So Captain Marvel zapped in right between the eyes
All the children sing
Hey, Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
The children asked him if to kill was not a sin
Not when he looked so fierce, his mother butted in
If looks could kill it would have been us instead of him
All the children sing
Hey, Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
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Oh ringy, ringy
How was I supposed to know
He'd cut you off my finger
Oh ringy, ringy
I shouldn't have let you go
I'm not a good singer
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me Ringy
'Cause I need to know now
Oh, because
My listless eye, is killing me
(and I)
I must confess, I still believe
(still believe)
When I get you back I'll rule the world!
Give me a sign
Get on my finger, one more time
(Oh ringy, ringy)
(Oh ringy, ringy)
Oh ringy, ringy
The reason I'm cruel, is you
You've got my one eye blinded
Oh precious, precious
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To get you in my clutches!
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me ringy
'Cause I need to know now
Oh! Because
My listless eye is killing me
(and I)
I must confess, I still believe
(still believe)
When I get you back I'll rule the world
Give me a sign
Get on my finger, one more time
(oh ringy ringy)
(yeah)
(oh ringy, ringy)
(yeah, yeah)
Oh ringy ringy, how was I supposed to know
Oh ringy ringy, I shouldn't have let you go
I must confess, that my listlessness, is killing my eye
Don't you know? I still believe!
That you will be here, and I'll rule the world!
Get on my finger one more time
My listless eye, is killing me
(and I)
I must confess, I still believe
(still believe)
When you are here I can rule the world!
Give me a sign!!!
Get on my finger one more time!
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Sam's Oliphaunt song
From the Stupid Ring Parody
Oh, I'm an Oliphaunt and I'm okay
My nose is long and my colour's grey
I break down trees
I shake the ground
I like to flap my ears
I'm bigger than a building
But ain't been seen in years
Oh, I'm an Oliphaunt and I'm okay
I'm from the South where it's hot all day
I stump around
I skip and jump
In leotards and tights
I love to dance the ballet
And give everyone the frights
Oh, I'm an Oliphaunt and I'm okay
My mouth has horns that get in the way
When I plié
Or pirouette
A partner I would pierce
Alas I must dance solo
For partners have grown sceerce
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I love to go a-wandering
I love to go a-wandering
Under the Burping Troll
And as I go I love to sing
'Cos it echoes in this hole
Val-de-ri, Val-de-ra
Val-de-ra, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Val-de-re, Val-de-ra
'Cos it echoes in this hole
Oh, may I go a-wandering
Until I get quite lost
Or stray into Shannara
Or get dragged back by the Boss
Val-de-re, Val-de-ra
Val-de-ra, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Val-de-ri, Val-de-ra
Or get dragged back by the ...
The Warg From the BT
from the Burping Troll
"What's up with that wargy from the BT,
the one with the waggly tail.
What's up with that wargy, where did she go,
and why did she WOO WOO and wail.
Did she take a trip to California,
or race right up to Sauron's throne.
Whatever that uni-meat did to her,
we think she should quickly come home."
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The Ring's Song at the Ford
(to the tune of I will survive by Gloria Gaynor) From the Stupid Ring Parody
When first I was made, I was electrified.
Kept thinking I'm just a ring with naff writing on my side.
But then I spent so many nights planning to be strong
And I did wrong, bringing trouble all along!!!
And so I'm back, getting on your case,
I just walk round to see that one-eyed look without a face.
I should have tempted Aragorn,
And that old Gandalf too,
If I thought for just one second I'd be Gollum's precious!
Eeewww!!!
Go on now go, walk out the door,
Put me on and disappear, scare hobbits by the score!!
Aren't I the one who might make Galadriel go mad?
Do you think I'm worth it, surely there's fun here to be had?
No not I? I'm not alive? Oh as long as I'm with Frodo
I've not long to survive.
I've got evil to display, make that poor Boromir sway,
I won't survive? Hey, hey!!!
It took everything I had not to fall apart,
And now I'm off to Rivendell, as the Wraiths depart.
I've spent so many nights, in Bilbo's company,
Now I am saving all my tricks up to escape from Mount Doom free!!
Oh I want to go! You ride through the wood?
Just turn round and Barrow Downs to me look pretty good!
Aren't I the one with troubles of my own?
I can be accessorized, but you don't ever want to know!
No not I? I Wanna to stay alive! Oh as long as I'm with Frodo
I've not long to survive.
Mordor is on the cards and that sword won't always be shards!!
I think I'm done for!!! Hey, hey!!!!
Ekla's Lament
Well, I met my poor husband on the Imladris board,
In my sexy leather Elf suit, I'd finally scored.
We dillied and dallied, hug, blush and kissed,
Now he's banished from posting, his charm shall be missed.
And it's no, neigh, never.
No, neigh, never no more,
Shall I fall, swooning at Blackstone's.
No never, no more.
We fought vast enemies, mutant wombats and thugs,
But I couldn't escape from his mighty bear-hugs!
Upon the high tower, under the moon in eclipse,
Well it wasn't the first time we'd talked with our lips!
And it's no, neigh, never.
No, neigh, never no more,
Shall I fall, swooning at Blackstone's.
No never, no more.
And now I'm a widow, with kid's by the score,
I'll never find another so fascinated with gore.
I've traveled to where his spirit now resides,
And we're back in an arena, fighting foes on all sides!
And it's no, neigh, never.
No, neigh, never no more,
Shall I fall, swooning at Blackstone's.
No never, no more.
The House of the Burping Troll
There is a House in Middle Earth,
They call the Burping Troll!!
For its been the ruin of many a fat purse,
Taking table dancers off the dole!!
My Mother, was an Elf maid,
She sewed my cape of green,
My father was a half-bred Orc,
But Aragorn took him outta the scene!!!
Now the only things this Bar Wench needs
Is a tankard and some Bree.
And the only time I get a break,
Is around about quarter passed three!!!
So Mother, tell your Halflings,
Not to do the things I've done.
Don't spend your nights, in booze and revelry,
From this Troll, you cannot run!!!
Yes, there is a House in Middle Earth,
They call the Burping Troll!!
Cause Yggy's ruined, our customer's taste buds,
Making them eat, Ekla's homemade, Haggis roll!!!!!!!!
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A Ranger of Ithilien
from the Burping Troll
DEBY:
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien,
I've got information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I know the kings of Gondor, and I quote the fights historical
From Gondolin to Pelennor, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters hypothetical,
I understand the rumor mill, sublime and quite hysterical,
About wizard-y doings I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
HOBBITS:
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
DEBY:
I'm very good at pouring ale and drinking it from either hand;
I know the names of every ale from here to south Ossiriand,
In short, I've information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
HOBBITS:
In short, he's information on what pubs we can get silly in,
He is the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
DEBY:
I know our mythic history, King Elendil's and Ondoher's;
I answer all the ladies that I want to see her under-hers,
I quote in fancy Elvish all the crimes of nasty Mor-a-goth,
And some say I'm pecu-li-ar and maybe even scandal-ous.
I can tell undoubted Aragorns from Denathors and Theodens,
I know the silly chorus from that Cow and Fiddle hobbit din!
Then I can screech a tune that scares the sheep and cows right o'er the hill,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
HOBBITS:
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
DEBY:
Then I can write a bar tab up in pretty Dwarvish cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of ol' Isildur's last uniform:
And plus, I've information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
HOBBITS:
And plus, he's information on what pubs we can get silly in,
He is the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
DEBY:
In fact, when I know what is meant by "archers up" and "shoot again",
When I can tell at sight an Orcish longbow from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "move, you lazy rat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern archery,
When I know more of tactics than a maiden in a belf-ery --
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
HOBBITS:
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
DEBY:
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, I've information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
HOBBITS AND DEBY:
But still, he's information on what pubs we can get silly in,
He is the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien!
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From the Stupid Ring Parody
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever!
Bathing is easy with eyes closed,
Strawberry scent in the water.
It's kinda hard to find sometimes
but it all worked out.
It's from Elrond and his daughter.
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever!
No, it doesn't come from a tree.
I mean, Samwise looked high and low,
But he might have, you know, stole it,
but it's all right,
That is, I think it's not too bad.
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever!
Always, no, sometimes, we must bathe,
But mostly Strawberry soap's a dream.
Sam thinks he knows he means it's right
but it's all wrong,
But elves, I think, would disagree.
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever,
Strawberry baths forever,
Strawberry baths forever!
Axman, Gimli's Song
(formerly, Beatles' Taxman)
Let me tell you, my name's Gimli,
Just one orc neck's nuthin' for me,
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
Should five dead orcs appear too small,
I'm glad the elf din't shoot 'em all,
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
If orcs run too fast, I ax their feet,
If they try to sit, I ax their seat,
If they try to fight, I ax their head,
If they cry, too bad, I'll ax 'em dead.
Axman!
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
You ask me what I kill 'em for,
Just wanna use my ax some more,
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
Now my advice, for orcs to die,
Axman!
It ain't enough to poke their eyes,
Axman!
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
And their runnin' from no one but me.
Axman!
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
To the tune of 'Back in the USSR'
(Huge apologies to Paul McCartney)
Crawled in from the hunt with a sick, drunken elf,
Didn't get to bed last night.
On the way the booty bag was filled with ick,
Poor Cel' had a dreadful fight.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub,
You don't know how lucky you are bub.
Back in the Burping Troll Pub.
Been away so long we hardly knew the place,
Gee it's good to be back home.
Leave it till tomorrow to clear Cel's disgrace,
Honey leave the elf alone.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub
You don't know how lucky you are bub.
Back in the Burping, back in the Burping,
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
Well the Uruk-hai orcs really knock me out,
They have the best behinds,
And Mordor orcs made Cel' sing and shout,
That party's always on our minds.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub,
You don't know how lucky you are bub,
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
Well the Uruk-hai orcs really knock me out,
They have the best behinds,
And Mordor orcs made Cel' sing and shout,
That party's always on our minds.
Hunting round the reeking mountains way down south.
Take us to ole Sauron's farm.
Let us hear your Warg and 'Dorf song ringing out,
Come and do the orcs some harm.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub
You don't know how lucky you are bub.
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
Bad Day, Sauron
(formerly 'Good Day Sunshine' apologies to Paul McCartney)
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
He had to cry, cuz when the sun came out
There was nothing he could laugh about
His plans were in a disarray
He's in fear cuz its a sunny day
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
He made it dark, to get the people down
Burned him up it got turned around
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Then he cried because his witchy king
got done in by girl and Halfling
He feels bad, his plans were looking fine
Now he's sad because there's eight not nine.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Beatles' "Birthday" is now "Precious"
drums: bump-bump-bump-bump-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp ...
He came and stole precious
It's his precious too--yeah
Baggins stole your precious
You're gonna have a bad time
Hobbit's got your precious
It's so precious to you
Yes, you lost your precious ringy ringy
Yes, you lost your precious ringy ringy
Yes, you lost your precious ringy ringy
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Lets you hi-hi-hi-hide--Precious
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Hide
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Lets you hi-hi-hi-hide--Precious
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Hide
He came and stole precious
It's his precious too--yeah
Baggins stole your precious
You're gonna have a bad time
Hobbit's got your precious
It's so precious to you
Hey Warg!
Hey, Warg, they tho't you bad
You were a sad wolf who'd gotten better
But some, they let you into their hearts
Tho' your poems weren't any better.
Hey, Warg, don't be afraid
You have friends who really miss you
The minute they let you under their skin
It crossed their minds to hug and kiss you.
They gave you flesh of unicorn, hey, Warg, refrain
They did not know how it would affect you.
Well don't you know that you're a fool, it's the full moon.
You ate the innocent and it wrecked you.
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey, friends, don't let her down
If you miss her, then go and get her
Remember, you let her into your heart
Then you started to make her better.
So get her up and let her in, hey, friends, begin
She's waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, friend,
You'll do, the answer you need is in the haggis.
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey, Warg, don't you feel bad
Take your sad song and make it better
Remember they let you into their hearts
Then you can make your poems better,
better, better, better, better, better, oh.
nah, nah nah, nah nah nah, nah; nah nah nah, nah; hey Warg (repeat 16 times and fade out)
Nazgul
(formerly Blackbird by the Beatles)
Nazgul shrieking in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
Nazgul shrieking in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.
Nazgul fly Nazgul fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Nazgul fly Nazgul fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Nazgul singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
The last echoes of her song die away, she takes a few bows to the silent room and then slips back out into the night.
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Hi Ho
Hi ho... whatever they said..
Can't make up songs in my little head..
Tri-diddle dee diddle hey piddle poo..
Elves are so pretty even I'd say I DO!
It's a Parody After All
It's a world of Hobbits
A world of Men
But the world of Elves
has come to an end.
With a SNICKER and SNORK,
and a stab with a fork
It's a parody after all.
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
I'ts a Pay-Roh-DEE!
There is just one book
and one slutty ring
And a new web site,
singing swords named Sting
You will laugh and you'll cry
Only look and see why
It's a parody after all.
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
I'ts a Pay-Roh-DEE!
Pippin:
In the Navy...
yes you can sail the Sundering Seas
In the Navy...
you can find someone to tease
In the Navy...
come on Hobbits take a stand
In the Navy...
Elves and Men will hold your hand
In the Navy...
[SPLAAAOUUUSHHH!]
Frodo: Hey now! I don't want your bubbles.
Pippin: Humph...you're no fun...[quietly sings]
They want you,
they want you,
they want you....
you without the boots.
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Sam's Cirith Ungol Song
From the Stupid Ring Parody
Halfway up the stair is a stair where I sit.
It's not at the bottom;
It's not at the top.
But this is the stair
where I want to stop.
Halfway up the stair is a stair where I sit.
He's not at the bottom;
He's not at the top.
So this is the stair,
in the dark who-knows-where,
I fear hope will stop.
Halfway up the stair is a stair where I stand.
I'll search at the bottom;
I'll search at the top.
But this is the stair,
as I love and draw air,
I will never stop.
back to top
Gonna tell you a story,
'Bout a Hobbit I know.
When it comes to valor,
Whoo! He steals the show!
He ain't exactly human,
He ain't exactly tall.
But when he left the Shire and he took the ring you could say he done
it
allllllllll!
He's a whole lotta Halfling,
A whole lot of Halfling,
He's Nine Fingered Frodo!
Nine fingered Frodo!
Nine fingered Frodo!
And the Ring of Doom. . .
Oh mine eyes have seen the bearded, hoary, walking, talking trees,
They are marching off to Orthanc to bring Saruman to his knees,
They're a Hoomin' and a Hummin' and a floating on the breeze,
His trees go marching on!
A Funeral Song for Boromir
From the Stupid Ring Parody
Aragorn:
Well you could tell by
the way he used to walk,
He was a manly man, didn't need a sock.
His horn was loud and made of wood,
He could blow it well like he knew he should.
And now that he's dead, but it's ok
we saved our own skins anyway
We can mourn and we can grieve,
But I think we had better leave.
Whether your you're a human, Elven or Dwarven we're stayin' alive,
stayin'
alive.
Boromir's a goner, if we stay here any longer we won't be stayin'
alive,
stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive.
Legolas:
Well now Boromir's gone, his spirit free,
But I have to say better him than me!
He was okay as humans go,
But Elves still kick ass,
don't you know!
Now the river's got him but it's okay.
'Cause we will live another day.
And the sooner that I end this song,
The sooner we can get ourselves gone!
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive.
Sam's Song to Shelob
(To the Tune of The Monkees) From the Stupid Ring Parody
Here I come, gonna whip your ass!
Get a load of the light from
The Lovely Lady's glass!
Hey-hey I'm the Sambone!
I like to laugh and sing and play!
But you tried to mangle my master
The time has come for you to pay!
Hey-hey I'm the. . .
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A Hunting We Will Go
A hunting we will go,
A hunting we will go,
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
The orcs are mean and green
But we are lean and mean.
(very wishful thinking)
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
The arrows they will fly.
The orcs will start to die.
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
Gather up the heads.
Of all the orcen dead.
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
Then we'll make a stew.
A lovely, tasty stew.
Heigh -ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
We'll feed it to the kitty.
So she can sing so pretty.
Heigh-ho THEEEEE BUUUUURPING TROOOLLL.
A HUUUNNNTTTINNG WEEE WILLL
(song cuts off as Sevilodorf dives to the ground to avoid the "accidentally" launched arrows of her companions.
OSCAR PARTY
apologies to Rick Nelson
Went to an Oscar party,
To celebrate with many friends,
A chance to make some memories,
Talk the film again.
When I got to the Oscar party,
Was a list with my name,
Matched against my driver's license
I didn't look the same.
But it's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well.
See you can't wear high heels,
When you've got to stand for hours.
People cam from miles around.
Everyone was there.
Richard brought his mother,
PJ combed his hair.
Over in the corner,
Sat Ian and his friend,
Many folks surrounded him,
But "You SHALL NOT win."
But it's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well.
See you can't wear high heels,
When you've got to stand for hours.
Watched the whole awards show.
Cheered loudly at the wins.
Vowed that we'd do better,
We'll be back again.
I said "Hello" to many folks.
They think a lot like me.
Then I saw it was 2 AM
It was time to leave.
But it's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well.
See you can't wear high heels,
When you've got to stand for hours.
I went back in the daylight.
The famous stars to see.
Walking in their footsteps,
Would be all right with me.
Now if you've got to see the Oscars,
I offer this advice.
Buy your tickets early,
And dress up really nice.
That Wonderful Warg of Ours
(The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)
Celebsul is bouncing down the road singing...
"I'm off the find the Warg...
That Wonderful Warg of Ours.
We hear she is a warg of a warg,
If ever a warg there was.
If ever oh ever a warg there was
That Warg of Ours is one because
because, because, becaaause
Because of the wonderful songs she sings...
I'm off to find the Warg,
That Wonderful Warg of Ours!!"
Sounds fade as he moves down a yellow brick road.
Where have you been, Celebsul?
Where have you been Celebsul, Celebsul?
Oh, where have you been, dancin' Celly?
I've been to kill some Orc,
Using just my knife and fork.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
Did you do a triple flip, Celebsul, Celebsul?
Did you do a triple flip, dancin' Celly?
Yes, I did a triple flip
And a double daisy dip.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
Did you dance the Telly Tubby, Celebsul, Celebsul?
Did you dance the Telly Tubby, dancin' Celly?
I danced the Telly Tubby,
When I heard of Ekla's hubby.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
Did you sing a pretty song, Celebsul, Celebsul?
Did you sing a pretty song, dancin' Celly?
Sevil sang the song,
But she got the words all wrong.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
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Everybody Purps
To the music of Everybody Hurts by REM
When the urge is strong
And it's night
Unless night is yours alone
When you're sure
You've got
Too much of the gas
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go
Unless there's no-one there
Then everybody purps
Sometimes
Sometimes the swelling is too strong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your belt
must be undone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've got
Too much to keep in
Well, don't hang on
'Cause everybody purps
Take a good sniff
At your friends
Everybody purps
Sometimes
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Gollum's Crossroads Song
From the Stupid Ring Parody
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
My soooooul to rent
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
My soooooul to rent
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
He beat me on the terms and points
(guitar: da daaaah)
But sucker only chaaarged me 5 percent
(guitar: diiii-da, da, da, da...)
Sauron worked his mojo
(guitar: ba-dah, di-da, da, da, da...)
But then he lost his Ring
(guitar: ba-dah, di-da, da, da, da...)
Now his Eye can't find it.
(guitar: ba-dah, di-da, da, da, da...)
And the bluuuuuuues he sings
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
With two hooobbits on my tail
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
With two hooobbits on my tail
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
Gonna meet my Shelob mama
(guitar: da daaaah)
You know she gonna rock and wail!
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Legolas's Lament for his AK-47
(to the tune of "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel) From the Stupid Ring Parody
She could kill with a blast
She could wound with her ammo
She could ruin your face with a casual whammo
And she never did lose her tenacious loyalty
She fought like an Elf
But she was AK-47 to me
She could lead you to orcs
She could slaughter them in the park
She could track down a deep black
Scary shadowy thing in the dark
Some screenwriters question the gender I'm giving her
But think what you like
She was AK-47 to me
AK... you took care of yourself
And you took care of me
And you would for all time
AK... then you killed lots of orcs
On the field where you died
And I am left behind
She would promise more power
Than the great Ring of Mordor
But she never would sing, chatter, sink you to boredom
She would bring out the best
And the worst I could be
I blame her end on myself
Cause she was AK-47 to me
AK... you took care of yourself
And you took care of me
And you would for all time
AK... then you killed lots of orcs
On the field where you died
And I am left behind
She was frequently kind
And she'd suddenly blush
She could do as she pleased
She was nobody's lush
But she couldn't be beaten
She died like a hero
Throwing shrapnel at orcs
She will always be mine:
She's still AK-47 to me
Ev'rybody's talking about
Wizardism, Orcism, Powerism, Ring-ism, Mordorism, Sarumism,
This-ism, that-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m.
All we are saying is give trees a chance!
All we are saying is give trees a chance!
C'mon
Ev'rybody's talking about Orthanc,
Rohanc, Men-Dwarf-Elf-hanc,
Uruks and Southern Orcs and Bad Wargs and Pink Eyes,
And bye bye, bye byes.
All we are saying is give trees a chance!
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